Sunday, September 12, 2010

Tony's Father goes to the Pub. "Marriage as Prison"

Tony's father went to the pub on Friday night.  It is not something he does often.  In fact since Tony has been born, his father can proudly count on one hand how many times he has been to a local Wuxi Expat pub.
Andis hasn't gone to the pub for several reasons:  he can't afford it; the pubs are too far from his home; six years have seen relations with other Expats become strained; having a child limits one's social opportunities among Expats because many of them aren't family types; and he feels guilty when he does go to the pub.
Andis went to the pub because he had money to get for an article he had written for a local Expat magazine. 
When he arrived at the pub, he found it was full and that there were no familiar or friendly faces to talk to.  No one came to talk to him.
One person, who did come to talk to Andis ,said "that having a child limited his freedom (the speaker's, not Andis).  And that he forced himself to work hard all week so he could socialize with other Expats on a Friday night.  And being a step-father for twelve years, he knew the fatherhood gig."
Andis can only say that this attitude expressed by a want-to-be-a-socializer is selfish.  The joy of life does not come from socializing, it comes from love and making real sacrifices for others.  Furthermore, anyone who says parent hood isn't for him or her is admitting that he or she is a defective as a human being. (Not to say that everyone should be a parent.  Some shouldn't.  Still, what I mean is this: that people who aren't parents, for good reasons or even selfish reasons, should know the role they are playing in this world is secondary to those who make the sacrifices of being parents)  People who don't want to be parents and question those who do, should begin by questioning why their parents brought up them -- for in saying what they do about parenthood they are insulting their parents.
The same goes for many Expats who express the idea that marriage is prison.  To watch these people behave, is to see perverts on the prowl.